Sry I called you an 8
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
