Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
4 words: hood of his car
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
