Dual....:-)
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
