so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
smell my finger.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
