but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
