I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
COCAINE IS GR8
what the fuck happened to the tacos
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
