spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
