3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
