tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
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