I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
