Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
