fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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