How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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