I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
