People in love make me want to vomit
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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