32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
