in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
