Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
