i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
