I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
