dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How naked do you want me to be?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
