I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm jealous of your bromance
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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