if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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