I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
