i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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