babies were throwing up all over the place
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found puke in my bra..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
