Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
