Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
