"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
