i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
