Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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