pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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