wanna go halves on a baby?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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