she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
