you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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