Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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