can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize