The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
from now on my penis is your penis
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
