do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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