pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
