the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
