how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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