Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
