Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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