Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
