We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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