I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
