No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
