Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
