i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
