can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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