I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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