Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
