Well apparently he's into motor boating.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
