I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
whose parrot is this?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
