currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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