Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
