well I can't set my house on fire every night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
