u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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