Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
