my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
