So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
