I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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