Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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