Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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