think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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