also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
