Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
