Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
