this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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