Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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