i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
