whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
