You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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