He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
