next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
