i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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