i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Someone shit on the floor
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
