dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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