Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Soap is not a condiment
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
