I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize