I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
