Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
