She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
false alarm, still single
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
