There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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