you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
