If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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