woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
They have beer where we have blood.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He shit in the fireplace
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize