Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
