worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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